Christians and Wiccans sharing prayer space

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Permalink Reply by MaryAnn on February 13, 2011 at 3:04pm

I hate to say it, but it does not sound like a good thing. If your husband is unwilling to even have your candles, etc. in his view, it would suggest that he is completely intolerant of your beliefs. I don't know anything about your situation or what you discussed about beliefs before marriage. It sounds to me like he is trying to force the issue with you to make your beliefs less important than his. If you allow him to take over the room, I fear after time you will become resentful and angry about it. The one thing I do know about relationships that have a Wiccan and a Christian as partners is that mutual understanding and tolerance is extremely important. If you don't have that, it can be really difficult. I am not a professional therapist and of course do not know about your relationship. This is just my opinion based on your post. I hope you can find a solution that is fair to both of you.

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Permalink Reply by Reda Laghzapio on February 13, 2011 at 6:58pm

you shouldnt have married him. I know its none of my business but for real, like ugh i think you made the wrong decision

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Permalink Reply by Adaria Tigermoon on February 13, 2011 at 7:43pm

I'm sorry, but I think that is, at least to me. rude Reda.

We know NOTHING except what has been put forward here. For all we know the OP wasn't Wiccan when married...

That said. I have to agree with Maryann, it seems a bit unfair to me that you have to now share the space you were forced to put all of your sacred things because hubby didn't want to see them but now he doesn't mind so long as he gets to share the view.

That all said, I think it's sad as a whole that you accept this. Whatever happened to respecting each others beliefs? I commend you for wanting to keep the peace but at what cost is that "peace"?

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Permalink Reply by Mary Blood on February 13, 2011 at 8:38pm

Reda - Wow - You're right - it is none of your business. What I'm searching for here is constructive advice.

MaryAnn - We discussed our beliefs the first day we met, and my husband was unconcerned with them. He thought that I was misguided at best, and would grow out of it - I was 21. Later on in our marriage he realized that it wasn't just a fad that I was going to grow out of and became unhappy about it. He felt like he himself was doing something wrong, tolerating my beliefs, which is a common Christian viewpoint. He was quite upset about it, but he realized he had been wrong to expect me to change my beliefs. He was really at odds as to what he should do. We decided on the altar room, because he felt that if it was out of sight, it would be out of mind. And of course, like most Wiccans, I enjoy having an entire room.

By the way, my husband made his step-son bunk with his friend who was staying with us long term, rather than give away my altar room. He didn't think I should have to lose that. He also acknowledges with amazement that I'm the only person in his life that has ever encouraged him in any way to pray, read his Bible, and go to church. He has depression/anxiety issues, and I always encourage him to find natural ways to deal with that - he's tried various meds without much success. No, our relationship isn't perfect, but it is what it is, and my question, if everyone will notice, was not about evaluating our relationship. I'm not being confrontational, I'm simply clarifying.

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Permalink Reply by ranjit prasad on February 13, 2011 at 9:00pm

MM Mary
first let me tell you i am an indian living in india. so my thought process and perspective is going to be different that the rest. second i am an hindu and am learning various religions, so my views of religious tolerence is also different. third let me tell you i am a sailor, having seen different cultures and perspectives i understand and comprehend different perspectives and understand the thought process of US culture.
now to the problem you are facing. it is a life YOU BOTH have decided to be of different faith and still have not thought that this is major issue. breaking is easy but making both faths to remain side by side and work is what i am going to talk about. you both have equal responsibility to uphold the religious tolerence of each other at personal level, which you both, commendably, DECIDED to have and DECIDED make it work. in otherwords you BOTH are going to UPHOLD YOUR DECISIONS. so instead of worrying about seggragation of wiccan and christian try uniting both. put a photo of jesus in the room (or mary with infant jesus if he is catholic) and light YOUR candle in front of it. once you compromise and allow christianity to come to your room, he will compromise and be willing to share the prayer room.
now let me remind you this, there is but one god in wiccan fath. (remember the diamond theory). both jesus and mary have equal claim to be one of the faces of diamond. encourage meditation of your husband. if your husband is willing to meditate with jesus and mary in his mind, that is visualisation in wicca. meditative energy is focussed energy. it will enhance your rituals. if both cannot pray together (which is the best) pray by turns. clear energy before and after prayer, if you think that you dont want interference at energy level. show extra love when he finishes his prayer. he can never object when you pray.
i know one thing the jesus mary and et all prophets of christianity and their god and also pagan gods and goddesses of wicca, DONT WANT both of you to FIGHT with each other. they will be happy that you both LOVE each other on account of following different faiths, in that they will be happy that you both can percieve and comprehend different faces of the SAME GOD.
blessed be

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Permalink Reply by Mary Blood on February 13, 2011 at 9:17pm

I did actually offer him an altar space, (he's not catholic, he's baptist) where he could put his Bible, a cross, any religious images he would like, a candle, etc... but he didn't like the idea. He thought it would be too pagan. He simply wants to sit, enjoy the view, and talk to God. He never once asked that I move my stuff out of the room and let him take over it. He wants to share it, though he admitted that he wants to build on to the house and have his own room in the future so that he doesn't have to share it. We have two small children, and he works nights, so it's hard for him to get any alone time, which he desperately needs to work on his stress issues. I simply wait until the kids are asleep, but at that time, he's gone to work.

My only worry is that while he's trying very hard to be tolerant, that by going in there and being around my stuff, he'll be constantly reminded of my beliefs, will be troubled by it, and will not express it honestly. Which leads to him being irritable about things that don't matter instead of telling me about the real issue that's bothering him. He thinks he'll be able to handle it well, but I'm worried that he won't.

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Permalink Reply by ranjit prasad on February 13, 2011 at 9:26pm

MM Mary
is there no way that the wiccan things can be packed and hidden from view, so that he need not be troubled by it. it takes a few minutes everyday to remove and repack.
your problem is that heis not 100% amenable to the difference in faith,in his heart, even though he says he is.
if he is troubled by difference in faith there is not a lot you can do about it except keep quiet, but keeping quiet is big a price to pay. but see if anything else works.
but do not bring out religoous discussions yourself.
if he is irritable try and show extra love. love must come from heart.love must come in thought. love must come in deed
blessed be

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Permalink Reply by Shadow Witch on February 13, 2011 at 9:32pm

I really feel bad for you, seriously. I've had trouble with my mother about my Wicca practices because she disliked seeing my altar, no matter how small, in the same room where she was at. The apartment that we were living at I did have my own room but I had no bed so I had to share a room with her, awkward. In the apartment that we're living at now I have my own room and I just got myself a bed over a month ago.

I came into some money and bought the things that I didn't have. She still dislikes it but she doesn't have to see it anymore unless she walks into my room. It's hard to live with someone that doesn't like your beliefs but I believe that spirit will provide. Hope this helps.

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Permalink Reply by Mary Blood on February 13, 2011 at 9:38pm

He's wanting to share the space. My altar is actually a large trunk, but I have a LOT of stuff. :) I'm a classic leo, I love incense, statuary, artwork, pretty shiny baubles, etc... Packing and unpacking would be quite a job. And I think my husband would actually be offended if he saw that I thought I had to pack it all away. He doesn't like it when I'm careful around him - it makes him feel like I don't have faith in him, or I'm afraid of him (which I'm not). Like I said before, he's trying to be more tolerant - I just hope he's successful. We certainly won't be using the room at the same time. He's never seen me perform ritual, and I've never offered. I have offered him books to read on the subject, and to personally answer any questions he has, but he's not interested.

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Permalink Reply by ranjit prasad on February 13, 2011 at 9:55pm

MM
that is great. it means you both have decided to put the diffrence of reilgion aside and want to love and be with each other irrespective of differences. this only a small blemish in otherwise a perfect setup. well such things happen, live with it. show extra love when he is irritable.
blessed be

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Permalink Reply by ranjit prasad on February 13, 2011 at 11:29pm

MM
unfortunately mary is not lamenting about her loss of space, but her husband's loss of space. she is unable to accept her husband's right compromised because of her, so she just cannot be happy
her husband feels that because of the house shift, the only place he can pray is a room, long accepted to be hers and her religion, and his prayer enchroaces her rights and just cannot be happy.
in other words they are not fighting for their own rights against the other, but other's right against themselves
there is no point in giving any advice.
blessed be

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Permalink Reply by Susan Music on February 14, 2011 at 12:59pm

I find it interesting that your husband says it is the most peaceful room in the house. I would think this is a good sign that you are able to balance the energies in the room. Also, since your husband will be in the room to pray and seek peace with his God, I don't see where much in the way of conflict will occur.
If you open and close your sacred space, keeping in mind that your husband will be coming into the room, there shouldn't be any problems.
Perhaps his use of the room will help bring him comfort, which is what most people ask of their prayers.

Let us know how it works out.

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