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Going to live with grandparents

Hey Friends,

I'm looking for some advice, legal or personal. (I'm 40 and live in North Carolina)

When I was 12, I went to live with my grandparents. My parents were divorced and neither could afford to keep me and my sister. I made the decision I was going to move in with my grandparents, so my younger sister could live with mom and mom could quit one of her jobs. According to the attorney's, I had that legal right to leave home to stay with my grandparents. Laws change and I am trying to find a modern law.

My Godson is 12. His father, my best friend, died a few months before his son was born. His mom is not giving him a good life and he wants to move in with his grandparents. I know young teens used to be able to choose where they want to live, after a certain age.

Does any one know what this law is called so I can research it?

Rick
Running Cloud

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Permalink Reply by Rev. William Kelly (Bill) on November 30, 2009 at 12:01am

I don't think it is that cut and dried. At this point the mother is still the legal guardian. Normally I would think that there would be a custody issue going on in order for a child to be able to say that they wish to live here or there. Otherwise I would think that no one's children would be living where they are suppose to be as the grass is always greener on the other side. Please note that is just my opinion. As well I live in Canada so our laws are different here. I would imagine this is something that could become quiet messy, if it is not all done in agreement of all parties.

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Permalink Reply by June Dawson on November 30, 2009 at 9:53am

Running Cloud

Here is the website for North Carolina Legal Aid (free legal services in civil matters to low-income people, to those that qualify) http://www.legalaidnc.org/public/learn/about_us/. I live in Florida and feel that, here the children and families department is more of a problem. As suggested in prev comments - contact an atty. If it pans out that Legal Aid can't help there are always low cost atty's that can give advise. Maybe Legal Aid could then ref you to one of them.

In the mean time see what kind of info you can get from North Carolina Statues online at http://www.ncleg.net/gascripts/Statutes/Statutes.asp.

Blessings & I hope all goes well for the Child!

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Permalink Reply by Jennifer Surdam on November 30, 2009 at 11:56am

Hey Rick,

I know that in GA, the age for consent to change visitation is now 13. At 12, children are still required to do as the parent says, and to live with whatever parent is either still alive and/or has been awarded custody. I live with family who has been dealing with this issue for nearly a decade. It looks like you have been given some good advice from June, so I'd look into the links she provided and see what the legal age for consent to sue for "divorce" from a parent, so to speak, in NC is and see what you can do to help your Godson from there. Sorry you are having to get involved in this mess--as it can be a long and arduous road.

Now--having said all that, unless a child is seriously in danger (mother is on drugs, or is somehow otherwise endangering the life of the child and is truly a threat to the child), a judge MAY choose to withdraw custody and give it to a more responsible adult. However, this can also get rather nasty, and in the case you are discussing above, it would also usually require the grandparents to file a formal custody request in court, PLUS it would mean dragging out some dirty laundry--something they may not wish to do. All involved may want to seriously consider the consequences before they act, because if it's simply a matter of "I want to live with my grandparents, cuz I don't like living with my mom, but she's not really doing anything bad," it may not be to his best advantage to really go there.

The reason I bring all of this up, and you know I know you well, and I wouldn't say this if I didn't really care, is that I've watched two young children turn into bright tweens with a lot of baggage due to some really ugly custody battles. It's not all "I wanna live here, and that'll be that," necessarily. Life can get really ugly, and there can become some major resentments on both sides. Kids get used for leverage, even when people don't necessarily intend for that to happen--in situations when you don't expect it to happen, and those kids get angry and resentful. It sounds like your Godson is older than my neice and nephew when this is all going to start, (not older than my neice is now!) but trust me, it may not be so cut and dried. He needs to be very clear on this, and he needs to understand this could really put a rift in his relationship with his mom that may never be closed.

I hope I didn't say anything that would upset anyone here, but I'm speaking from the heart and from experience.

Hugs and BB,
jen :)

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Permalink Reply by Rev.Theresa Helton (Moonraven) on December 1, 2009 at 12:10pm

I think the legal term you are looking for, that applies to this type of situation is 'emancipation'.

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Permalink Reply by Jessica Lynne Olive on December 1, 2009 at 2:02pm

as far as I know, a child can still legally decide where he or she wants to live when they are 12 years old.( My father is an ex-police officer, and he would know better than I do, I can ask him if you'd like me to)

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Permalink Reply by June Dawson on December 2, 2009 at 9:59am

Emancipation is the releasing of the parental authority and the child becomes an adult for important legal purposes. Example - a 17 year old who lives and works on their own who either wants to vote or get married but us not of legal age.

Child custody or guardianship with in Family Law may be more along the line of what you are looking for.