So for the past few months, I've been feeling really different about Wicca. I love the idea of it, I just haven't been as interested in it as I used to be. It honestly makes me really sad. I loved having that connection with the Gods and Goddesses, but I'm not sure how to get myself more... Into it, I guess.
Another thing I wanted to ask, is what exactly do you do for Esbats and Sabbats? I've done a few different rituals in the past, some that I've constructed and others that I found online or in books. I've never fully celebrated a Sabbat. I think it's just too complicated for me. I don't know exactly WHAT I want to do in my rituals.
I've been self-taught this whole time, so I'm not entirely sure what I should be doing. I am Eclectic, for now. I've been leaning a little more towards Tameran Wicca though.
Here are two pages that have alot of free ebooks of scott cunningham and different wiccan authors.
They have alot of suggestions about daily devotions, prayers, and things a solitary can do on the sabbats.
Simply making a special meal, lighting a candle and saying a prayer for the sabbat, or making a craft on the sabbat, is acknowledgeing the day, what is important is attuning and aligning to the energies of the sabbats.
Set up a small shrine and pray to the goddess and god everymorning to connect to their energies, be aware that day that they are in everything.
Take the Living the Wiccan life course in the classes, i am taking that right now and it is helping.
Here is an example that i do every evening,
Eternal Flame House Shrine
need oil lamp or candle
By caring for and guarding the eternal flame you expend positive energy and connect with deity.
Task: Create sacred, pulsating energy whether flame is burning or not.
1. After you arrange shrine, visualize the eternal flame of wisdom and protection in your mind. In the Astral, build replica of shrine and light sacred flame with the Holy breathe.
In Astral flame will always be burning.
2. In mundane world light oil lamp or candle, Say:
This sacred shrine
Burn for me
Day and Night
from Ancient song
Bless this House
All life long
This sacred Shrine is dedicated to (Insert your Gods) Who in their infinite wisdom will shelter, protect, and provide
Harmony and enlightment for the Children of the Wise.
Each evening light candle or oil lamp at sunset, watch candle energy grow around you and shrine, flow out of room then encompass entire Home.
If you can feel energy you will feel a pulsating energy coming from the room even if the candle or oil lamp is not lit.
This may take a while, keep doing every nite at sunset. (As you light your candle at nite see your astral shrine in your minds eye with it still flaming and burning away)
Just try doing different daily devotions, prayers, make prayer beads, make different craft related crafts, and find simple rituals that dont wear out a solitary to do on the sabbat days, and full moon esbats.
Just some ideas to help make you feel more witchy :)
Honestly my suggestion is find someone close to you like location wise that you can socialize with about wiccan things. See if there is a pagan night out or something in your area. you could be missing that feeling because you need to find someone to help you move forward. This was part of my issue when i finally came to the correllian tradition i had moved as far forward as i could by myself and i needed some other people to talk to about "witchy" things.
I'm a Tameran Wiccan as well, so feel free to message me if ever you have any questions. I practice with my shrine's circle, but I also practice solitary. I've done much research on the Egyptian deities and I honor a different one for each Sabbat, the one I feel fits that energy the best, and for the Esbats as well. Solitary Esbat and Sabbat rites need not be complicated - mine are more meditative than anything. At their most basic, I meditate to attune myself with the energy of the season, ie: finding balance during the Equinox. I try to put those energies into practice in my mundane life. I usually do some small magical act to help with that.
My main Goddess is Sekhmet and my God is Heru (Horus), so I pray to them every day, whether I'm at the altar or just going about my day, I'm talking to them off and on. Make your mundane actions magical - visualize cleansing while you bathe, healing and growth while you eat your food, home cleansing and blessing while you clean house, etc...
And about the whole full celebration being too complicated - it's not really. It seems that way when you're first learning, but once you have it down, it doesn't seem like that much. Like Black Moon's Hunter said, break it down and learn the parts. I used to mumble the words to my circle casting repeatedly to myself while working in order to memorize it. (Only when people weren't looking :) I was working as a stocker then) I learned it very quickly this way, and when I could recite it all from memory, it didn't seem like a long ritual to do at all.