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SUICIDE

I am wondering if there is a Wiccan ritual or prayer to assist a spirit who has committed suicide in finding peace, as well as to help those who have been left behind to find peace within themselves.

The reason I am asking, is that my stepmother (Pam) committed suicide 5 days ago leaving my half sister Lisa (my stepmothers only child), feeling like she has to be strong for our father (Allan), as my father has become inable to even speak a sentence properly. Both are also feeling as though they are partly to blame as they feel they should have noticed something was wrong.

I have tried to reason with them that Pam was fighting depression and anxiety for the past 20+ years - and that this is not their fault as Pams suicide was about her not being able to cope any longer, and not about them or her not loving them, as she loved them with all her heart.

Unfortunately this has lead to them telling me that as I was not close to Pam, I cannot comment,and that if I don't want to go to her funeral, I don't have to. In fact, they didn't even tell me that she had died, I found out by reading my sisters discussion thread on Facebook. I have told them that I love them, and as such, will be there to support them as Pams funeral, however they have both shut me out, won't take or return my phone calls.

Basically, I am worried that they will both become so consumed by their grief that they will forget that they are still alive, and so forget to live - which would be a greater tragedy.

As such, if anyone has any ideas, I would be most apprecivative.

Blessings and Light,
NTC_Raven

Tags: Guilt, Ritual, Spell, Suicide, Tragedy

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Permalink Reply by Lunesca on December 19, 2009 at 11:28am

Many Condolences for your loss. I will see if I can't come up with something for you. I don't know where it will get me but I will try.

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Permalink Reply by NTC RAVEN on December 19, 2009 at 9:03pm

Thankyou Lunesca. I have found it to be not an easy subject to find information on.

Blessings & Light,
NTC_Raven

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Permalink Reply by NTC RAVEN on December 20, 2009 at 9:44pm

Hi Rev. Gia,

Thank you for your reply. Interesting about Quan Yin - I have been drawn to her for many years - in fact i have a statue of her beside my bed. Can this chant be used on behalf of others as well? I only ask this as my Dad wouldn't say it as he is a complete Athiest. I think that this belief (Athiest) is going to make it harder for him as by his belief, she no longer exists on any plane.

I will however use this Mantra myself. I am also going to write it down and take it with me to the funeral tomorrow.

Blessings & Light,
NTC_Raven

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Permalink Reply by Leandra Nightwolf on December 20, 2009 at 6:07pm

I wish all of you peace. My husband suicided in 3/2006 and I am still not over the effects. It is a long road and very hard at times. Try not to feel cut out. It could be that the daughters are feeling very protective of her memory, now.
I think I lost all my faith when this happened to me so I'd be interested in any rituals that come up in this thread.
Blessed Yule to all...
Leandra

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Permalink Reply by NTC RAVEN on December 20, 2009 at 9:45pm

Hi Leandra Nightwolf,

I am so sorry to hear about ur husband. I hope that u will find something useful in this thread as well.

Blessings & Light to You and Your Family,
NTC_Raven.

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Permalink Reply by Toni Owlett on February 21, 2010 at 9:32pm

My mother commutes suicide June 2009. We we're very close. She was my best friend. I have been having a very difficult time trying to understand it and move past it. I feel a lot of blame, like I should been able to help her more. She was bi- polar.
All of these things have been one of the reasons I was drawn to studying Wicca. It wasn't until I started learning this, that any of her death made sence to me. It's the only thing that has given me any sort of "peace". I know feel that she is all around me, in everything I see smell and hear.
I was also hoping someone may be able to tell me if there is anything else I can do or read or learn that may help me further. My children are also having a hard time with all of this.
Thank you all for any help you may have to offer me.

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Permalink Reply by Toni Owlett on February 21, 2010 at 9:34pm

Sorry for any misspelling in my previous post. My iPhone likes to change my words and spelling on me sometimes!! Thanks again.

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Permalink Reply by Becca Precopio on February 22, 2010 at 6:43am

Losing a loved one to suicide is never an easy thing. Your dad and half sister need to go through their own process of grieving. I lost my father to suicide 20 yrs ago and a day doesn't go by that I wonder if there was something that I could have done prevent it. It has taken me many years to understand that. It may take them many years to understand that it was not there fault or may never understand. The only advice I can offer to you is to be there for them when they are ready to open up and talk. There was nothing that they could do to have prevented this tragedy. Once a person has their mind set on suicide and they are in such despair their is nothing that anyone can do to stop them.
The best thong that you can do for them is to be there for them when they need it. After I lost my dad my mom bought me a book called Death Be Not Proud. It was a great book and it helped me with my grieving.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. May the light of the Goddess be with you as you grieve the loss of your stepmother. May she fill you with the healing that you are looking for.

BB
Becca Precopio

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Permalink Reply by ARADIA-AJAYA on February 22, 2010 at 9:56am

My Great Grand mother died not that long ago, and felt that I needed to do something to help my family heal and to help her pass.

Light Frankensence and Juniper Berries to keep mischevous spirits at bay, Sprinkel WILD Poppy Seeds over her grave or If cremated around the urn. I recited the Wiccan Rede while the Lords prayre was spoken and asked for the Guardian Michael to look after her and all members of my family untill they could come to terms with what had happened.

I understand that you might want to do things differently and have something special for your Step mum and personal to you both, but know this. Although we'll never meet, your thoughts and grief are in my heart.

Sweet and Lovin Blessing unto you.

** Blessed Be **

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Permalink Reply by Megan L Herrod on February 22, 2010 at 3:27pm

i have only once lost a freind to suicide, and it was a very different circumstance, so know that i am not trying to relate to your pain, i really dont know exactly how it must feel...

However, I do know that rational death is hard enough, and irrational deaths like suicide are extremely painful for the surviving family. We can never truly understand what makes a person no longer have that will to live, especially when we see the wonderful, loving, family and friends that surround them!

Your sister and father are going through a painful, devastating time. They have lost her in such a cruel way. I am sure that they are filled with what-if's. When we deal with pain, a lot of time we lash out at the very people who are seeking to help us. It sounds like they are lashing out at you. Try not to take it personally (too much). All you can do, is keep your arms open for them. Offer your condolences and work to heal your own grief. If you try to help them too much, you may inadvertently push them away.

However you may be able to help them covertly. Try to make calls to close friends of theirs and ask them to drop in and make sure they are ok. you could pay for food to be delivered to them (cooking can be hard when you are sick with heartache). Go to the funeral and offer to be an ear. When people are so close to a wound, they are not usually ready to work past the pain, what they need is to experience it and get it out.... so they can get ready to heal. Don't offer advice unless they ask for it. Try not to say things like "i know how you feel"- especially with your dad. (their relationship was probably very complex) Instead just say "i hear you" "it was no one's fault" and "I know this is incredibly difficult, but i promise it will get better." Be receptive if they just need you to be quiet, too.

It is hard to be a support when you are sharing the pain. Let yourself grieve too.

If you have any unsaid words to your stepmother, write them down and then burn them. Know that the message will pass.
Your father will have a very hard time if he does not believe in an afterlife.. But in scientific terms, you can say that her body will become a part of the life cycle and new life will grow from her... And her love and memory are real- and they live on in your family... so she is yet to be truly gone!

I hope I helped... i am so sorry for your loss, i cant imagine what you are feeling, but your family will heal, in time!
-Megan