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What do i do when...?

What do i do when my BEST friend in the entire world (the one that introduces me to wicca) is mad at because i have started to meet and find more wiccan friends. she isn't religiously open but i am. she feels like i'm leaving her behind since shes a solitaire wiccan and i'm not. she prefers to do things alone... while i' find that the more people you have the stronger the energy. we but heads about this allot. but i cant seem to get her to stop. even if i'm just talking to another wiccan she feels left out. i try to include her but how can i? she doesn't want anyone knowing that she's wiccan. anyone have an idea of how i can possibly get her to understand where i'm coming from. or how i can see where shes coming from. i'm lost and confused!!! HELP!

Tags: confused, lost, sad

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Permalink Reply by MoonJoy on March 1, 2010 at 12:48pm

This is hard... My take is that your friend probably has security/confidence issues, and she sees you as the only possible wiccan friend she can have. She behaves like she owns you... Now, this is a form of emotional manipulation, and the result is that you feel bad - but the problem comes from HER, not from you.

Did you try to sit with her and talk to her about how YOU feel? Using structures like "I feel this way when this happens", being careful not to point an obvious finger at her... And if she doesn't get it, explain clearly the parts of her behaviour with you that affect you, and how, and why. That if she wants to be a solitary closeted witch, she is totally entitled to be, but she cannot demand that you do the same so she feels more secure in her choice. She has her life; you have yours. You are two individuals.

If, after talking to her, she still doesn't relent, maybe it's time to give her less importance in her life. Maybe you met her so you could learn about wicca, but her part is done and now it's on to other things for both of you? I'm not saying to cut ties, but if the situation escalates into extremes, you can't let her - or any other person, for that matter - burden you with issues that are not yours.

I hope this helps. I'm not a psychologist, but I have had manipulative people in my life, so I understand how these types of people work, even though they're often not aware of what they're doing to others.

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Permalink Reply by Claivynx on March 1, 2010 at 12:59pm

wow, okay that helps ALLOT! Thank you very very much for your advise. Ill be sure to talk to her. You dont know how much that helped : ) than you.
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Permalink Reply by Crow Dragontree on March 1, 2010 at 6:58pm

I agree with Elise in that open communication with your friend is key. Let me warn you up front, however, that she's not likely to be terribly happy with your perspective. It is important, however, that you give her the chance to hear how important it is to you to connect with others.

Let her know that simply because you plan on working with others does not negate her importance to you. Nor does it mean that you can't work with her. You will be learning things with your other Wiccan friends which you will probably want to share with her. She may appreciate having this "conduit" to the larger community without having to "come out."

Finally, if she persists in isolating you from others, I recommend that you make it clear that you will be working with others regardless. This is indeed your spiritual path which you are not traveling for her. If she refuses to have much to do with you as a result, that is indeed her decision and you may well benefit from the absence of a controlling relationship.