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How can a Wiccan live in a negative household?

Okay, I seriously need some advice. I am 25 and have just finished college. I still live with my mom and it is time that I start looking for a good job and venture off on my own. In the mean time, she is dealing with a hard time now that my father is gone (one year ago). She's always been pretty cynical, pointing out the bad things (mostly from the past), and has a woe is me attitude. Lately, she's been very needy. She is Catholic and so she had my sister and I participate in advent (she made it one hour long everyday). She's been wanting to watch movies all the time, and now she just went off on this 3 hour fit about how there is nothing she can do about being alone. I feel bad for her and want to give her support, but everytime I try to help she doesn't really listen to what I say. We are of two different worlds because she sees herself as a pawn that God moves around on this chess board. My question is, how do I take charge of my life without hurting her? I need time to make positive changes for myself. I'd really like to lose weight, find a new job, write, and become spiritual. Today, I tried walking away from her, but I felt so bad and somehow found myself staying put, crying and telling her about how I didn't want to be a victim like her. I feel very unloving and miserable, like she is bringing out the worst in me. What can I do? I can't do a spell for her because she would never give me permission (her being Christian). And I don't have time to do any spells for myself it seems. I'd do it in my room but I'm afraid she'd come knocking on my door and yelling for me to come do something. I may have to wait for a time that she is working, but I work mostly when she does. How can I stop being a victim to this situation? Would it really help to jumpstart my day psychic shielding myself? I start each day going out to have coffee with her because she likes that. But that turns out to be a huge chunk when I really think it's going to be only one hour. Not a very good way to start my day off. Maybe I need to wake up really early and do a spell before she wakes up, but I like to sleep in. What do people think? Anyone have an experience they could share?

Tags: Christian, Wiccan, lifestyle, parents, relationship

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by melinda marie calk on February 23, 2010 at 9:19am

i do it all the time! i am in a foster home and i just found out i am so scared should i be?

Permalink Reply by melinda marie calk on February 23, 2010 at 9:20am

who can i talk to about this i just found out that i am a witch

Permalink Reply by Maighread Birdsong on May 4, 2010 at 12:04pm

Banish the bad and bring in the good!First sweep out your room, or the house would be better if your mom wouldn't mind (figuratively) with your besom, (witches broom)to rid the space of negativity. Light white candles in your room and anoint them with rose oil. This is to bring love into the home. You always stay positive and light and I promise that this will have a real effect on the environment. Do meditations that bring you a happy heart. Like the field of flowers meditation. While meditating see your self walk out a door into a lovely field of flowers see all of the bright lovely colors of the flora. Now lie down in them to feel the soft petals against your skin and the fragrant sent in your nostrils. Relax and send loving healing energy to your heart chakra. After this one you will have enough good vibes to help out your mom. Blessed be...~M~

Permalink Reply by Spyrit Dancer on June 20, 2010 at 4:01pm

Being a recovering alcoholic, and recovering Codependent, I suggest looking for a CODA meeting in your area and attend. (Co De pendant's Anonymous) Everyone has given great advice, but you are "trapped in the dance" they call if of enabling her behavior while she is guilting you if you don't continue to do so (whether consciously or subconsciously).

If you are at ALL sensitive to others emotions (like most of us are) her negativity is dragging you down. One of the simplest spells I've done is from Silver RavenWolf chanting either aloud or in your head "I'm surrounded by circles of light that nothing may cross". I picture white light around me swirling clockwise that protects me not only from physical harm, but from emotional harm. I have done this one so many times I can visualize it immediately and feel better.

Also check your feelings. If you feel depressed, take a moment to check why. If you can't find a reason, realize you are probably picking up on your Mom's feelings. Although my husband is Christian, he is a supportive Christian, and if he is depressed, I have to watch that he doesn't drag me down too, because I'm an empath and sensitive to his feelings.

And also pray. I pray to my Goddess every day for strength, and pray every night in thanks. Getting used to asking for help/protection/strength to help with your issues opens up your inner shields and lets their light in to give you that strength.

Good luck, and blessings.

Permalink Reply by WolfEagle on August 19, 2010 at 2:33pm

This is excellent advise.

My story is that I was abused by my ex. I stayed with him for 18years becuase the pattern became the normal routing. Well I met a man who allowed the real me to stand out and although my life isn't a bed of roses as nobody's really is, I am happy within myself now. The hardest part was telling myself that I was no longer going to be the victim. This was the hardest decision of my life but looking back after two years, he is still miserable, unhappy, complaining and wondering why life isn't going his way and I have moved so far forward that he feels that I have broken my connection totally but he is the father of my son and for that I am thankful for that rich blessing.

Don't be the victim of any abuse be it from a parent or a spouse. There is nothing that can be worse than killing a person's wings.

Blessing and good luck, you must keep up posted on what has happened since December as we will always be a support group.

Permalink Reply by Melanie Konnick on September 20, 2010 at 12:30am

ok question...I am all for diversion as a strategy...so does she have any interests or hobbies? If so maybe you can get her to join a group or something. Go with her to the first few meetings then tactfully fade into the background? Maybe she can make some friends so that she'll get out of the house and move on. There is probably a women's group at her church that she could get involved in. Something like that would help her to meet people she has common ground with.

It sounds like right now she is scared to be alone and is trying to live through you, which is understandable, but not healthy. Also, the longer she stays in the habit of depending on her kids for all her human interaction, the stronger the tendency will get. That sort of thing doesn't just fade away on its own. My worry is that if you don't put up some boundaries with your mom, you will come to resent her and see her as a burden instead of a blessing. That's where I am right now, because I just let things go for too long.

My mom was super clingy, and I've lived 400 miles away for the last 8 years. It's only in the last year or so that I've been able to really break away. She is also very religious, but she is non-denominational, as opposed to catholic (the church secretary). They don't know I'm a witch, and I soooo am not about to enlighten the folks lol. They still try to manipulate me every time I make a trip home, and there is some uncomfortable history with my stepdad that they want to ignore, but if I am honest and just say I am not comfortable in their home, I get to listen to my mom cry, and that's just never pleasant.

As far as spellwork goes, I am pretty much nocturnal so I do most of my workings at like 3am when my honey is asleep. He is also pagan, so it's not a big deal, but it's just easier for me to focus when the rest of the house is quiet. You would definitely benefit from shielding yourself before you interact with her everyday. I wear a quartz crystal on a long chain that puts it behind my clothes. In addition to the energy of the crystal itself, as I feel it move against me throughout the day, it is a physical reminder to reinforce my shields. It really helps me to pay attention to where my energy is going.

Our moms deserve our respect and affection, but always remember that she is a grown up responsible for her own happiness too. It can really stunt your growth as a person if all your energy is being drained off. Balance in all things...moderation is key. May the Goddess bless you with wisdom and insight, and may the God lend you his strength to grow through the situation.

Blessed Be :)

Permalink Reply by Rev.JVProudfoot on September 24, 2010 at 12:02am

I might as well add my two cents. You have a lot of excellent suggestions from people who have been there and done that. I can't stress enough the importance of boundaries. It may be the toughest thing that you ever do,but it will preserve your emotional well being and your sanity. Firmly state( get ugly if you have to.) that you are a grown woman,capable of making your own choices. Tell her you love her,but you don't require permission or approval to live your life. Your time,problems and needs are just as valid as hers and you will no longer give in to her dramatics. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT reward negative behavior with attention. I Know this sounds awful. I also know that if you don't re-train(or at least try) a person who constantly seeks negative attention they will suck you dry. Most of the people who have posted have shared some of their personal history. It is nice to know that this young person and myself are not the only ones who have to deal with difficult people on a daily basis,or have found themselves in rough situations that were not of our own making. Refuse to pay the price for someone else's bad behavior. This is choice can become a lonely path when many people you love are wrapped up in BS(drugs,booze,abusive relationships).
The person who suggested diversion as a strategy is dead on. This works with most of my difficult people. I told my difficult people "I love you,I respect you but I WILL NOT put up with your bullshit." Sometimes standing up for your right to a safe,peaceful,fulfilling life is the strongest magic you can employ. For all who are keeping an eye on this thread go to amazon and look for books on dealing with toxic people, healing emotional abuse and co dependence. Sometimes you can redefine relationships in your life on better terms,others you have to let go. I know this is rough on all the empathic folks, I am one.

Bright blessings and best of luck

Permalink Reply by Rose Stuessel on September 29, 2010 at 6:49pm

first things first. u need to take care of YOU! if u need to wake up earily and do a lil spell and go back to sleep then do so. what i would suggest is something like caving your's and your mother's and sister's names on a purple candle and even if u don't get their permission that falls under gray magic because u are doing something benifical for them and helping them even when they don't know it, burn the purple candle with all your names on it and it should bring a little serentiy to you all. also when she is asleep you can fill a jar with a tight lid with needles and shugar and honey. and burry in the cornnor of the property it is a hoodo negativity jar that i've proven to myself works (asuming the dog doesn't dig it up) all the negativity in ur house will be drawn there and taken into the jar! also incents you can make easily to bring homony and peace are good too! try these out and if u need more help let me know i'll add you!

Permalink Reply by Rose Stuessel on October 23, 2011 at 9:41pm

I am in a situation where i am being victimized as well, this may not be easy to hear but you may just have to tell your mom to *excuse my language* get her own F****ing life! My mom is Christian, and she was very unaccepting of my life, until I told her that, in those exact words.

Permalink Reply by Magickofme on October 24, 2011 at 7:30pm

I would love this answer as well. I am in such a negative situation that I can feel myself slipping away... I am doing everything in my power to get out of here, but at this moment I'm stuck. I am so far into depression at this point, I don't know what to do to get myself out of it... I live with my mother who is an extreme alcoholic. My daughter who is a drama queen and her 3 yr old son. My mother world revolves around her vodka bottle. My daughters world revoles around her boyfriend not her son as it should be.

So, being stuck here, what do I do to keep myself going?