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Christian In-laws

I don't have to worry about this any time soon as my daughter is only 19 months old, but I wanted to get outside opinions. My mother-in-law is VERY Christian and she doesn't know I'm Wiccan. She's actually the only one who doesn't know yet. We get along great and I don't want to tell her because I know it would cause a huge problem. When my daughter is old enough to start thinking about which religious/spiritual path she wants to take I'm worried that her grandmother will make a big issue about the possibility that she might want to be Wiccan as well.

Has anyone else had this problem? If so, how did you deal with it?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Traisfire on February 9, 2010 at 9:25am

I actually have a similar issue. My family and my husband know about my personal choice to be wiccan but his family has no idea. They just think that I have "weird" interests. I am sorry that I have no insights for you, but I want you to know that you are not alone. It might help to be a little bit open about different things that you are interested in... His fam knows that I know a little bit about crystals and gems and that I meditate every morning and that I go nuts over anything with moons and stars printed on it LOL....

~~Traisfire~~

Permalink Reply by Tia on February 9, 2010 at 10:58am

Traisfire: Thanks for your reply, you actually helped me by giving me an idea when you said I should "be a little bit open about different things that you are interested in..." Maybe I can kind of slowly introduce her to the fact that I'm Wiccan over the next few years. That way, it won't be such a shock to her as it would be if she found out years down the road when/if my daughter decides to become Wiccan as well.
I just don't quite know how to go about doing that...heh -_-;

Permalink Reply by Traisfire on February 9, 2010 at 1:56pm

I am glad that I was able to help a bit... At least (concerning you daughter) you have a bit of time to sort that out.

BB
~~ Traisfire~~

Permalink Reply by Rev. Karen [Selene] on February 9, 2010 at 2:56pm

Might I suggest looking into the Christian religion's mystical aspects. Then begin to gently have discussions with her about her own religion's mystical traditions without mentioning your own. Over time this 'may' begin to help her expand her view. You have time, and as already mentioned, an easy and long term approach might be better than a quick shock.

Deep Blessings,
Rev. Karen

Permalink Reply by Tia on February 10, 2010 at 7:35pm

Thanks for your advice, Rev. Karen :)

Permalink Reply by Emairelhd on February 11, 2010 at 5:16pm

Well I just found out that I am expecting, and I am about to run into this problem as well - just not with the in-laws, with my own folks. His parents actually already know and while they don't really get it, they don't hate on me about it either. My family is a different story all together. They are SO uber Southern-Baptist that is actually painful, lol.

Is it wrong for me not to want my kid to ever stay with grandma and grandpa, cus I am afraid of them trying to teach her Christian values that I don't agree with?

Permalink Reply by Tia on February 11, 2010 at 6:29pm

Emairelhd- That last part about not wanting your kid to stay with your parents because you're afraid they'll teach your child Christian values you don't agree with-- I totally understand where you're coming from! See, I love my mother-in-law; she's a great person, but whenever she spends any time with my daughter she talks about Jesus and tries to pray with her and I don't really like that. I don't want my daughter to start coming home from grandma's house telling me how my religion is wrong and bad because 'the bible says so'. I'm kinda lucky though, my mother is Wiccan as well and my father and step-mom accept my path so that might help...
Btw, congrats on expecting your first baby!! How exciting :)

Permalink Reply by Storm WindRunner on February 14, 2010 at 12:13am

You're in-laws are probably going to keep praying with your daughter as they spend time together. I feel with you on the level of not wanting your in-laws to essentially "force" christianity on your daughter, but at the same time, you don't want to "force" Paganism on her, either. Personally, I think the best thing you can do is steadily and continuously introduce her to Paganism and your beliefs, while respecting your in-laws' religious views, as well, answering her questions to the best of your ability. That way, she'll know first-hand that being a witch isn't an "evil" thing, but also that she is free to follow whatever spiritual path she decides to follow, and that you'll always support her, regardless of what that path turns out to be.

I'm and Druid and my wife is a Witch, and I know, based on BOTH our families, that we're going to have a similar problem with our 10mo old son as he grows.

Best of luck and Greatest Blessings,
SWR

Permalink Reply by Tia on February 14, 2010 at 10:01am

Storm- Thanks for your reply. I get what you're saying. I never planned on forcing paganism on my daughter, but I do want her to understand it and take part in it if she wants to. Mostly, I just want my daughter to be able to decide which religion she wants to follow without being judged by anyone, including me. My husband--well he's not very religious at all, but he was raised Christian so that's just what he goes along with--he's fine with whatever I want to do, but since Aurora was born we celebrate both pagan and christian holidays. I just really, really, don't want my mother-in-law going behind my back trying to raise her as a christian.

And to be honest, I'd love for my daughter to decide to be Wiccan haha. I'll just have to wait and see how everything turns out.

Goodluck with your son!

Permalink Reply by Storm WindRunner on February 14, 2010 at 11:33pm

Haha I understand where you're coming from. And thank you.

Permalink Reply by Janet Morris on April 6, 2010 at 10:53am

Hi, Tia. I know I'm ultra late piping in here (you may have solved this issue altogether in the last few months since you posted this, LOL), but I just joined.
My husband and I are both openly Pagan. We have six children and are raising them practicing Pagan traditions as per how we feel we should parent, just like our parents raised us in their Christian traditions as they felt was right. If they have questions about other religious practices or beliefs, we do our best to help educate them and answer their questions, but not to the tune of belittling Paganism because we have as much right to raise them Pagan as our parents did to raise us Christian. Fact is when we were old enough to do the soul searching that led us here, we did and this is where we wound up. Upset the family? Yes, in a lot of ways we did. However, sticking to our guns (or brooms? LOL) and not letting them trivialize our beliefs simply because they don't understand them we did not.

Re: Mother-in-laws. I feel you on this in the weirdest way. My parents know we're Pagan, as do my MIL, her boyfriend and our siblings on both sides. My husband's grandmother knows and she's a perfect nightmare to have as an in-law and I mean that in the nicest way. lol She recently told my husband's mother that she was worried about him. My MIL asked why and my husband's grandmother said, "it's Janet. She's leading him down the road to hell!" So this tells me that she has no understanding of what we believe or why (whereas my MIL and her BF are great about asking questions if they don't get it and are chomping at the bits to be invited over for a Sabbat), and has no interest in waking up to the fact that Christian beliefs aren't the only ones and everyone has a right to believe their own truth. At present, we see her maybe once a year. She comes over and talks a lot about Jesus and everything good we convey to her is met with "Praise the Lord", but I also know a lot of Pagans who greet good news with "The Gods provide", or "praise the Gods", or something similar, so we don't take offense. I'm not opposed to people praying FOR us....a Buddhist friend of mine once said that prayer is a gift from a true heart, it isn't the words, it's the intentions behind them.
My dad was always sneaking about and taking my oldest two to church after he first found out. He'd lie and say he couldn't keep them on Friday night but only Saturday night, then he wouldn't let anyone answer the phone on Sunday until they were back from church. This caused no problems with my daughter, but she had TONS of questions that I had to answer about why they did certain things in the church (the sermon, the singing, etc) and so it did turn out to be an education opportunity despite my dad's best efforts at "saving" his grandchildren. This (and a few other destructive habits of his when it comes to the kids) caused us to decide that the children are no longer allowed to stay overnight with my parents. My mother understands it's because of my dad's general lack of respect for our parenting and spiritual beliefs, whereas my dad is just a hard-headed person who thinks he's always right and continues to live a sad, misery-laden life of his own making. Fortunately my children don't have to see him much these days. :)
My advice to you is please listen to your instincts. Don't hide this from your daughter (beautiful name, btw!). Children tend to relate hiding something to it being bad. Storm had a great point, continue to teach Pagan ways to your daughter......there's a reason you were led to this path. Rev. Karen also had a great point, Christianity has a mystical side too and not a lot of your more conservative diehards would be as apt to be so close-minded if they knew more about their own beliefs and traditions instead of the watered-down versions they get from the pulpits.
If for whatever reason you need to talk, please feel free to email me. :)

Take care, ~Janet~

Permalink Reply by Tia on April 21, 2010 at 11:50am

Greetings Janet! Welcome to Witchschool :) Thank you so much for your reply, it was very helpful. I didn't think about the fact that hiding my being Wiccan from certain people would later give the impression to my daughter that it was wrong or bad. After hearing everyones advice I'm not afraid to have my MIL find out anymore. I have nothing to be ashamed of and after all these years of knowing me she should care for me enough to understand. If not, then it'll just be something we'll have to work on.
Again, thanks everyone!