At risk of sounding like an absolute loon...I have some questions. I have had a connection with something or someone that enables me to see, feel, know, hear, sense, or otherwise be aware of things that I guess most people don't. I don't really have the ability to do these things myself you see, it's more what I am allowed to see. I am allowed to see a lot, and for that I am grateful. However, I hear people talk about they have this ability or that ability...well. I don't. I do, but I don't.
I can ask that which allows me to see for an answer, and usually it is granted. However, it isn't just I dial up a number and there it is. It isn't like looking in a library either, because sometimes that which allows me to see nudges me or rather smacks me into what my future reality will be if I don't make the right decision right now. What is this?
It is disturbing sometimes. Down right scary at others, mostly because I know sometimes things will happen and I have no control over it. For example, on December 24th 1996 (when I was still Christian) I thought, "Oh I should call my father for Christmas..." but kinda tossed the idea out as I hadn't talked to him in years and had no idea exactly where he was. That night I had an awful dream of walking on a slippery Catholic Church roof in a thunderstorm. I was looking for my father as he hovered above my head. He was like a black silhouette just out of reach. No matter how hard I tried to reach him, I just couldn't. The last time I grabbed the tip of his hand for a second, but that was all. Then he started to float out of sight.
In my hysterics I slipped on the churches roof and landed, speared by the top of the cross that was on the second lower peak. I had fallen backwards and it speared me in the back. The top of the cross could be seen coming out of my chest where my heart would be. I woke from this dream sweating and crying. The sounds of my crying woke my mother. I told her I had to call my father right away even though the last time we spoke was 2 years prior.
I called 411 to look him up in the general locale that I last heard he was. Luckily, he was still there. He spoke to me only briefly. He was ill with pneumonia. He was expecting a new son. He was so glad I was alight and was sorry he couldn't talk long. Then he said, "Ya know I love you right?" I said yeah. Those words, I knew would be the last time he said them when he said them. Then he had to rest.
The next morning after the presents were opened, my aunt called. "I hope you're happy..." were her first words. "He's dead." What is all this? I was very confused. Who was dead. My father was dead? Impossible I just spoke to him. Why is it my fault? Oh that's what my mom said huh? Any way, he died on Christmas the day after my horrible dream that woke me and motivated me to call him.
I have never celebrated a Christmas since and changed my religion with in the next 6 months. This is one of the more powerful things that has happened to me. It isn't just limited to dreams. Really, any of the gifts other people posses I can temporarily borrow and have always been able to. I don't even borrow it form a person near me or anything, but from the thing that allows me to see. What is this? Why is it this way? Is this the normal mode of operation?