Pagan humour

A place for wiccan and pagan jokes and humour

Members: 107
Latest Activity: Jun 26, 2013

Discussion Forum

Pagan Bloopers

Started by GarlicClove. Last reply by Azmaria Oct 17, 2012. 4 Replies

Ever break out laughing during a ritual? Get lost in the woods after casting your circle? Have you ever, like me, picked beautiful yellow flowers for a sun energy sachet that just happen to be rag…Continue

Tags: fun, bloopers, hurmor

Pagans And Light Bulbs

Started by Laramie Roush. Last reply by Daniel Michael Nov 11, 2011. 13 Replies

Pagan, Witch and Witchcraft Lightbulb Jokes Pagan...Q: How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!Q: How many Dianics does it take to change a…Continue

Sometimes the funniest stories are the ones that are TRUE.....!

Started by Lady Belladonna. Last reply by Lady Belladonna Aug 26, 2011. 4 Replies

My life is full of CRAP! SERIOUSLY! I washed my car, but I have a family of blackbirds that have moved into the eve of my house over my front door...the power lines are right over my cab (that I…Continue

Wicca Philosophy

Started by Crystal Jones. Last reply by Amberhawk Mar 14, 2011. 2 Replies out here, but realized we Witches were…Continue

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Pagan humour to add comments!

Comment by Laramie Roush on November 4, 2010 at 1:36pm
"cute , what ever ' chicken ' we speak of which ever path , just get to the other side lol. BB "

LOL . . . Yep, I think you have it figured out, Sister.
Comment by Laramie Roush on November 4, 2010 at 10:27am
Why Did The Neo-Pagan Chicken Cross The Road?

Alexandrian/Gardnerian: To reveal this would be to break my oath of secrecy. I can say, though, that it really is an ancient rite, dating far back in time, back even before 1951, and I have learned it from an unbroken lineage. As Gerald said, it takes a chicken to make an egg.

Asatru: First, we don't believe in a "One Chicken" or a "Hen and Rooster." We believe in many chickens. Second, "crossing the road" is part of the three levels, or worlds, and the chicken simply crossed from one level to another. Hail to the Chickens!

British Traditional: The word "chicken" comes from a very specific Old English word ("gechekken"), and it only properly applies to certain fowl of East Anglia or those descended therefrom. As for the rest, I suppose they are doing something remotely similar to crossing the road, but you must remember that traditional roads are not to be confused with the modern roads....

Celtic: In County Feedbeygohn on Midsummer's day, there is still practiced St. Henny's Dance, which is a survival of the old pagan Chicken Crossing fertility rite. Today, modern pagans are reviving the practice, dedicated to the Hen and the Green Rooster.

Ceremonial: "Crossing the road" is a phrase that summarizes many magical structures erected and timed by the chicken to produce the energy necessary for the intention of the travel across the road. For example, the astrological correspondences had to be correct, the moon had to be waxing (if the chicken intended to come to the other side of the road) or waning (if the chicken intended to flee to the other side of the road), and the chicken had to prepare herself through fasting and proper incantations. Note certain forms of invocation (summoning an egg inside your chicken self) can produce abnormal or even dangerous eggs and should only be conducted inside a properly erected barnyard.

Chaos: Thinking in terms of "roads" and "crossings" is simply looking at the formal, typically perceived structure of chicken crossing space-time. We, instead, focus on the possibility of chicken crossing itself; what appears to be a random act is thus actually the norm --- it is the road which is the freak of chance. Indeed, quantum mechanics now demonstrates what we knew all along two roads can simultaneously exist in the same place at the same time. Thus, by attuning ourselves to the dynamic energy (called "crossing"), we can manifest the road. Of course, to the unknowledgeable, this appears as a chicken crossing the road.

Dianic: The chykyn ("chicken" is term of patriarchal oppression) sought to reclaim for herself the right to be on the other side of the road, after it had been denied to her for centuries. By doing so, she reawakened the power of the Hen within herself.

Discordian: cock-a-doodle-doo!

Druid: To get to the sacred grove, of course! Keep in mind that 99% of everything written about chickens-crossing-the-road is pure hogwash, based on biased sources. Yes, there were a few unfortunate chicken sacrifices in the past, but that is over now...

Eclectic: Because it seemed right to her at the time. She used some Egyptian style corn and a Celtic sounding word for the road and incorporated some Native American elements into her Corn-name, Chicken-Who-Dances-and-Runs-with-the-Wolves.

Faery: In twilight times and under sparkling stars, those properly trained can still see the chickens crossing the roads. Reconnecting with these "fey-fowl" as they cross is crucial to restoring the balance between the energies of modern development and living with the earth.

Family Traditional: Growing up, we didn't think much about "crossing the road." A chicken was a chicken. It crossed the road because that was what worked to get her to the other side. We focused on what worked, and we worked more with the elders of the barnyard and less with all this "guardians of the chickencoop" business. We didn't get our concepts of "chickens" or "the other side" from Gardner, either. You can choose not to believe us since we did not "scratch down" on paper what was clucked to us orally (which, at certain times in history, was the only way to avoid becoming Easter chicken soup!), but that doesn't change the facts there were real chickens, and they really did cross the road!

Kitchen Witch: The chicken crossed the road to get food, to get a rooster or to get away from me after I decided to have chicken for supper!

Left Hand Path: White, fluffy chickens prancing across the road ! Do you think that is all there is to crossing the road? Do you dare to know the dark side of crossing the road and the other path to self-development?

New Age: The chicken crossed the road because she chose this as one her lessons to learn in this life. Besides, there was so much incense and bright, white corn to explore on the Other Side.

Newbie: well, 'cause I read in this really kewl book that said, like, chickens are supposed to cross the road, right?

Posting on an Online Discussion Group: What the hell do you mean 'why did the chicken cross the road?' ???!!!??? Haven't you read any of the previous posts? We've been [expletive deleted] debating every word of that question, painstakingly trying to come to some kind of answer. I know you wrote 'all i wanted to know was why chickens cross the road, im not looking for any chicken spells' but I'm fed up with newbies who can't even bother to REEEEEEEEAAADDD the posts on that very topic! No, this is not a flame. But, I and several others here have the maturity to properly explore and respond to this question, and we were properly trained; we didn't just read a book and think we were full-fledged chickens.

"Sethian"/Jane Roberts: Session 666; Wednesday, Dec. 2, 1969; 9:00 p.m. Now, you create your own chicken, each of you individually and en masse. Your physical senses fool you into believing you are seeing a chicken crossing the road, when instead, the chicken has already crossed the road, and hasn't even begun to cross the road. There is a probable chicken that never crossed the road as well. Further, because you each perceive a chicken, there is not only one chicken but, in fact, many different chickens. As I have said before, time is simultaneous. All probable versions of the chicken--past, present and future--exist at once in the spacious present. It is only because you believe [emphatically] that time is linear, with each moment followed by another in one-line kind of fashion, that you perceive the chicken taking chicken steps to get to the other side of the road. It does no good to ask "Which came first, the chicken or the egg," either, for they both exist at once in simultaneous time. [910 p.m.] Now, there are families of chicken consciousness. All life seeks value fulfillment, for consciousness is consciousness. What you perceive as a chicken may be something far different in another reality. The chicken may, for example, be a fragment personality of your entity. The chicken is no less than you are, however, simply because it is a chicken. Now, the chicken has its reality, and you have your reality. But the chicken is more than a chicken [emphatically], and you are more than you think that you are! [Pause one minute] The chicken crosses the road because it believes it can, and it does. It knows that it is sacred and that it will not die. You (underline 'you') also are sacred and you will not die. But as long as you believe that it is unsafe to cross the road, you must take chicken steps and obey the laws that you have agreed upon to get to to the other side safely. [End at 9:30 p.m. Jane came out of trance easily. She didn't remember a word she had spoken as Seth.]

Solitaire: The chicken didn't want to be part of a coven or an oven.

Shaman: Crossing the road is a way to reconnect with the healing, visionary lifeways of the past. Chickens have long known this, but increasingly the Rooster's Movement is adding more roosters to the crossings too.

Snert: Hey, are you guys really chickens? Can you giveme a spellthat will make a chicken cross the road?

Wiccan: The chicken crossed the road because she felt like she was finally "coming home." She could do it alone or with others, but she had to call to the Guardians of the Watchtowers of the Barnyard first ... uhm, after casting the circle.
Comment by Rev. Chimalis on October 31, 2010 at 6:06pm
If a Witch practices on the beach, is she a Sandwich?
Comment by fantumofthewinds on October 25, 2010 at 7:12am
How to make a witch itch / take away the " W ' [ winks ] lol
Comment by Laramie Roush on October 25, 2010 at 5:33am
Now, this is a fast-growing group!
I foresee it lasting for as long as the site is up.
Andy, you deserve a medal for this!

Comment by Mynfael Graeflyer on October 23, 2010 at 9:04am
Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?

They are afraid of flying off the handle!
Comment by Laramie Roush on October 21, 2010 at 5:58pm
Hello, Folks!


I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand.

But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was only one. And the times when there was only one pair of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble.

So I asked the Goddess, "Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?"

She replied, "I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped on one foot." And lo, I was really embarassed for bothering Her with such a stupid question.

(Not my creation)
But what better way to say hello in a forum dedicated to humor.
Comment by Mynfael Graeflyer on October 21, 2010 at 5:20pm
How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

-What do you want it changed into?
Comment by Mynfael Graeflyer on October 21, 2010 at 5:17pm
How many druids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

501: 1 to screw in the bulb, 500 to align the new stone
Comment by Firelight Riveroak on October 21, 2010 at 4:38pm
I didn't think druids screwed in light bulbs, I thought they screwed in stone circles

Members (107)




  • Add Videos
  • View All

© 2014   Created by Witch School.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service