WSI-Dying and Grieving Support Group

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Comment by Beyond on October 6, 2010 at 12:25pm

@Changing Wind, thank you for your support, and I wish you to know that I offer my own, as well. You're right - the death of a friend is hard, even years after. It may not hurt as much, and the mind may heal, but some wounds never will.

I wish you solace in your own losses, and I hope that you find comfort in Nature. I know I do - it's like she's still there, somewhere. I may not be able to see her, but I know she's there.

~Beyond

Comment by Changing Wind on October 6, 2010 at 2:18am

Merry Meet Beyond and Milli, welcome. @ milli- I am truly sorry for what you are going through. It is hard enough to cope with the loss of a child but to compound it with emotional issues it is even tougher to deal with. I will lift you up to Goddess that she will help you to move through these diificult events.
@Beyond, I lost my best friend in December of 1999. He died of early onset rapidly progressing Alheimer's disease. i still grieve for him and miss him incredibly. A truer friend I could not find.
I lost my eldest (and favorite) son to suicide on 20-Dec-2008. It still hurts so much. I had to be hospitalized for 6 weeks before they would let me out because I too wanted to end my life. I figured, what the hell, nothing seemed worth living for without him. But I had his son to think about. i cry for no reason and every reason. I see a mannerism in my grandson who looks so much like him and it makes me cry. The hole in my heart will remain for both of them for ever, the pain is starting to go away, except for my son.
I wish you both peace, and comfort in your losses.

Comment by Beyond on October 5, 2010 at 4:27pm

I'm so grateful that I found this group. Four years ago (2006) my best friend died. I miss her every single day, and it still hurts.

I wish everyone here the best of luck with their grief - you're never alone. Feel free to message me if you need to talk about personal grief.

Blessed be.
~Beyond

Comment by Milli (Millicent Purae Omallia) on January 16, 2010 at 12:46am

Things have been really difficult over the last couple of weeks. I'm in therapy for my grief and working on the issues associated with it. However, my husband hasn't received such care. Yesterday, he was admitted to the hospital. When our daughter died, I found myself on State Disability. And, I made too much for him to remain on SSI. To make matters worse, he was convicted of vehicular manslaughter for her death. He went to jail for four months and was incarcerated the same month my SDI ran out. We lost our home of 12 years. Now, we have a roof over our heads, once again. But, he still doesn't have his benefits. We only have just enough income to pay the rent and our current utilities.

Yesterday, my husband found out that he was denied his benefits. Upon hearing this news, he fell apart. He feels that we would all be better off if he were dead. I had him admitted to the hospital last night. And now not only am I dealing with my raw grief, I am dealing with my husband being in the hospital and the prospect of again being homeless because I don't make enough. And, in spite of all this, I continue my studies here at Witch School with the hope of helping others. If it wasn't for my spirituality, I would have never survived. And, this is what my poor husband lacks. He doesn't know what to believe anymore. Things just keep getting worse.

I'm trying to keep a happy face and a courageous stance. I'm trying to maintain my faith; but it is hard when things are so hard. I can't lose anymore and I can't cry anymore.

Comment by Kourtnie D Nandlal on January 14, 2010 at 11:10am

I'm so glad to have found this group. My only child was killed on Dec. 1, 2009. He would have been 21 on Dec. 4, 2009. He was a soldier in the Army who had come home from his second tour in Iraq only to be killed by his best friend and roommate. Not a day goes by that I don't cry over his lose.

Comment by Milli (Millicent Purae Omallia) on January 9, 2010 at 2:44pm

I'm glad this group is here. My daughter died three years ago as of March 3, 2010. We were in a horrific car accident. She was only 16 y/o and had her life ahead of her. And, while she did remove her seat belt allowing her to fly out of the vehicle when we flipped, my husband was the one driving as we went off of the road. I miss my daughter greatly. However, her end was only my beginning. She gave me a gift I could never repay. She gave me my life.

After 14 months of pain numbed with pain killers and high doses of psychiatric medications, I found help. I also found what I had been missing throughout my life, spirituality. I am now finishing my first year since I was 12 without the aid of psychiatric medications. I found out that I was misdiagnosed. Also, I am in my eighth month of a Year and a Day. I regained my life. But, I am now grieving my loss.

Not only did I lose my daughter, I lost my brothers and twin sister and my father. These individuals hold my husband personally responsible for my baby's death; and as long as I live with him, I am dead to them.

This breaks my heart.

Comment by Changing Wind on December 25, 2009 at 12:12pm

It has been a year since the death of my son. I still have bad days but the good days are more frequent than before. I know that there will always be a hole in my heart which the changing wind will blow through. I hope that in time I will be able to fill that void with new memories with my grandson. I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for listening and for being there for me. Brightest Blessings to you during this YULE tide season.

Comment by Changing Wind on September 9, 2009 at 3:51am

Thank you Susan for your encouragement.

My depression has diminished over time, but I did have to be hospitalized at the onset. I just couldn't cope at all. I was embarassed to share that at first, but that was my reality at the time.

My grandson has spent the summer with me and that, while being painful at times, has brought me much joy. Being able to share in this group has also been most helpful.

I've been trying to journal as well, to put into words the experiences that my son shared with his own son, so that when the time comes for my grandson to ask the questions I will be able to share those things with him. Photos and stories are what he will have, to carry on his memories of his dad. Those are things that I can do for my son and my grandson. These are the processes that are helping me to direct my grief. It is not easy and it takes more strength than I have at times but I keep trying anyways. Thank you for being there for me. Bright Blessings, Peggy

Comment by Lynne Ratliff on August 26, 2009 at 2:24am

thank you for having me here, I just lost my mom in February to very sudden and terminal colon cancer, she was one of the loves of my life and I haven't really grieved her passing because of all the responsibilities of my life.

Comment by Susan Wheeler on August 20, 2009 at 12:30am

Hi Changing Wind!
What you are describing are not unnatural. Grief is extremely painful as you know by now. Depression however is when the sadness associated with grief deepens so much that you see no joy in life, no reason to get up in the morning, don't want to eat; sleep all day, weight loss, thoughts of suicide etc. If this is indeed what you're going through, please seek medical help!

It is important that you communicate with your family so that they understand what you're going through, otherwise this can lead to many more problems.

Grief doesn't operate within a time frame and the intensity will vary as well. Some days will be better than others, anniversaries (birthdays etc) the absolute worst. What we need to understand is that grief is natural, although painful, we must vent our sadness. In other words, we must grieve healthily in order to heal. Just be aware that you might feel guilty when you start to feel better - this is also natural.

Many blessings,
Susan Wheeler

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