This is really difficult. As a writer, you sit and write what comes to you. And you'd think that having a crazy cat for about 12 years, you'd have a ton of stories to write. Well, that I can do. But talking about having to say good-bye isn't really a story I relish telling. I'd prefer to talk about how he made us laugh when he did his front-legged moonwalk while drinking from his "special" water dish in the sink. I'd prefer to talk about how he loved to bow his head when he was near me and ask for a kiss. I'd prefer to talk about a number of his antics, just to get away from the topic of talking about having to say good-bye to him, making the decision, and the letting him go.
I'd much rather consider so many other things than the fact that we brought him home and buried him. Like the fact that he's now with his "brothers" and "sisters." But then I think about that, and I consider that we have 4 cats and 2 dogs buried right here, and we've lived here in this tiny little place for just a little over 7 years. Six losses in 7 years. Wow. That'll take the breath right outta ya.
But, there is the fact that he was old and diabetic, we have to remember. He was much older than they thought when I first adopted him, we now know. Is that supposed to comfort me? Well, it doesn't, not really. It just kinda makes me feel like, ok, so what? Justice, the stubborn old Russian lived to be 19. We know Sonny Boy wasn't 19, maybe closer to 16 or 17, but not 19. I wanted more time out of him.
But then again, let's face facts, he had diabetes, and I'm quite certain he was developing congestive heart failure; he was losing his sight, his balance, no telling what else was wrong. It's not a far-gone conclusion that he could have had cancer as well. Old pets just get these things.
I worry about Boo. He's the last of the old gang. Mikey's gone, Toonces is gone, and now Sonny's left him. I can hear someone crying behind me, but I'm not sure who it is. We still have 6 cats left--does that diminish his life by saying that? I don't think so, but I know that Baby's been gearing up for this. Oh, he's going to be rotten. He's been rotten for the last week while we've been preparing to let Sonny go. When we let Justice go, Baby (our alpha, if you hadn't guessed) was just a terror for close to 3 weeks. IDK how this will affect him--but I'm not looking forward to it.
Bob and Munchkin (the princess--who's the alpha, she says? oh, I let him think he is, we all know I run the household, giggle), well, they'll probably take comfort in one another. They are very close, and even though they were close to Sonny, I think they'll help each other through it. Bob is going to need Munchy, because he won't choose to take comfort in his human companions. And I hate that. He needs me, but he just can't bring himself yet to come to me. But he will eventually, of that I'm certain. He wanted Sonny to be his companion for so long, and they really were, but in the last few months, Sonny withdrew quite a bit. Bob never seemed to get it, though, and I hate that for him. He's going to need Munchy to manage his way through all of this.
Poor Bear. He's going to terrorize Boo, who already has a problem with stress--he's our Prozac kitty. But Bear is the youngest, and he looked at Sonny like grandpa, and Sonny really was grandpa around here. He saw to everyone's needs and kept the peace. He played with Bear, even if he didn't want to or was tired. Bear won't know what to do without him, I don't think. I suspect he'll terrorize Boo, and probably increase his fight for second-in-command with Thomas.
And that leaves poor Tom-Tom terrorizing everyone, because when he gets stressed, he has seizures. But they aren't your normal seizures, they are ones where he literally goes off on an aggressive streak and attacks anything in sight, including me or Ed, if we're within eyesight. He'll take out the trashcan, a box, anything he can find to destroy, if he's in that state, and it's really hard to calm down.
So, clearly I worry about how this will affect the whole family. I think I've come to terms with it, I knew last week it was time. But Ed wasn't, so I gave him a week, as the vet suggested--he talked to her on the phone while I described all the symptoms. But I worry about the family of cats, too.
To Sonny, I say I'll take care of your kids for you, grandpa, you're spent. Run around and be blissful beyond the Rainbow Bridge. Go say Hi for me to Mikey, Toonces, Justice, Cinnamon, and Rocky, and give everyone kisses from Mama. And come visit me from time to time, just to say hello. When I hear your sweet purr, I'll know who it is. Remind all them kids to come back to Mama occasionally, too... And I'll see you when I cross over the Rainbow Bridge, when it's my time.
Love you, my sweet Sonny Boy!