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Going to the the Chapel...

...going to the Chapel of love...

When is love, love? When do you know Mr or Miss Right is right for you? We see the statistics of divorce and we dont understand why people say they love each other but then do the opposite. The Christians stand in witness to their god and promise to love each other till death do part, and the priest close his "speech" by saying: (ad lib) What God as brought together may no man put asunder. Does this mean all divorce attorneys will burn in hell for eternity?

Love has always been a tricky situation as true love surely must be so powerful and all consuming that you would give your own life for that person. Yet so many of us divorce. Its doomed from day one, as in your back of your mind the option of divorce is always there. There is always a way out. A traditional pagan wedding would involve a hand fasting which can be for a year and a day, or even to the extreme FOREVER. Like all rituals this involves energy and commitment. You need conviction in what you do from both parties as this is not made in jest, but in love and love is powerful. In my opinion you need only one person to love completely to have the other tied to you. And yes there is a way out but there are consequences making a fool out of the energies which you harnessed to be there in the first place. Makes me wonder if Christians belief the commitment they make to each other...

The musings is because I am getting married in a week from now. Albeit only in ceremony as legally I am already married. But it is the ceremony, a hand fasting which has more power, more meaning and certainly more consequence than any legal contract or document. Luckily for me when I first did a hand fasting in 2002 to make sure my partner and I are committed to this relationship, I was told by him that divorce is not an option. Lucky for me my partner has no fear of commitment and when he does commit - he is committed 100% without any doubt and will never go back on his word irrespective of the outcome.

That said - any relationship has its up and downs and we certainly had some, so much that at one stage I thought of releasing him from the bond to see if it was really meant to be. But I grew stronger and more secure and I allowed myself to be vulnerable and more trusting and our relationship grew.

8 years later - it is now legal for me to marry my life partner and so we did, and in a week we will commit once again in front of all my Christian and non Christian friends including some Muslims and Hindu believers. Sadly no pagans...

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Comment by Catherine on April 8, 2011 at 5:18pm: I met my husband when I was 18, definitely love at first sight :) weve been married for 29 years now, four children, two grandchildren, lots of ups and downs and we still love eachother passionately and enjoy sharing our lives together. Hes a Christian and I was married in a church ..so theres been all kinds of compromises :) Best wishes for you both x

Comment by Fantumofthewinds on August 3, 2010 at 6:34am: as for the attorney lol, cute. and may your love last for ever. up , down , sideways and back, we never know its direction, but commitment, communication, and listening may they be both of yours all the days of your lives BB

Comment by Parker on August 2, 2010 at 10:34pm: P. S. I LOVE YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THE ATTORNEYS. I couldn't stop laughing.

Comment by Parker on August 2, 2010 at 10:33pm: Despite how ridiculously late I am, may I extend a huge congratulations to you and your life partner. As for Megan's comment, I think you finally discovered the secret to a successful marriage that so many people spend so much money trying to find. My husband and I rarely fight and that is because we understand the nature of our humanity. We are both human, and thus we are both fallible. Money, more often than not, is extremely tight and so we are forced to follow an extremely strict budget in order to make ends meet. Yet, we never fight about finances because we both understand the difference between a want, and a need. I WANT a new pair of shoes. I NEED food in my stomach. Point is, love (true love) is a 24/7 job. It's a job that you should WANT to perform. Sure, in the beginning relationships are easy, because they are new and exciting. After a while, the newness fades away and you have to work to maintain the relationship. I work at loving my husband every day of my life and I couldn't imagine myself doing anything different.

Comment by Megan L Herrod on July 2, 2010 at 1:16pm: I truly believe that there is such thing as true, lasting, comminted love. People see the high divorce rates as a sign that love is a lost cause, but I think that they are simply a sign of our liberation from mistakes. We are free to "move on" if it doesn't work out.

That said, I have known people who couldnt keep a marriage for more than 2 months, much less a year! Thier marriage was doomed to fail... and was based solely on them having a baby together. The only marriages I see that seem to work are marriages built on love first, then everything else. In the past there was more "making it work" than there is today, when divorce was not near as socially acceptable. I am not saying it was better then either... How many men and women suffered years of domestic abuse for fear of becoming an outcast through divorce? Too many...

I have a marriage that is short so far (five years) but it works. We created rules early on in our marriage to prevent us from giving up irrationally or tormenting eachother. We both desire happiness, with each other, and for that we both must work to create a positive, loving home. We have agreed that we will always stick together, especially when it is tough. We don't squabble and argue over money... THAT is a big one. Early in our marriage we ran into serious money issues... We were living off of mustard and saltines, quite literally- and we were in a town with no family and no friends who could bail us out. Some of it was his fault and some of it was mine, but we decided... this was the test. We learned to bite our tongues and march forward together. We learned a lot about love and a little about poverty... and we are that much stronger for it.

We dont go to bed angry (harder said then done sometimes)- and always end an argument with "I love you"--- because no matter who is right and who is wrong, we both love eachother anyways. We accept and value eachother's humanity--- meaning that we recognise that we both make mistakes... and we have times when we'll both need forgiveness. More than anything we are honest with each other.

True love is not the same as desperate love. You dont "need" eachother to feel whole, as much as you want each other to be happy. This is a hard thing for people to grasp. We are fed "romeo and juliet" style love... and we have to learn that love is joyful, more than it is tormened.

I think it is our misguided expectation that leads to divorce. We fall in love with love. We want each moment of our lives to be unbridled passion. True, lasting love is less dramatic... sure it can start out as desperate romantic love... but in the end it is simple and sweet. True love is offering to cook the boxed macaroni even though you did it yesterday. True love is being willing to sigh and roll your eyes when you find a playboy stash under the bed, and tuck it back in. True love is when they come home with a plucked wilting daisy and a hershey bar on your anniversary. It is being willing to accept you both see the universe differently... and that is ok. And for those of us that have kids, true love is holding that baby in your arms together and looking in eachothers eyes and silently saying... "best mistake EVER!"

If you can find that type of happiness; understated, honest, simple, and lasting... You will be just fine. Love is an art... no matter what..

Blessed Be- and may you have love and blessings in all of your years!
-Megan

Comment by Fantumofthewinds on July 2, 2010 at 11:42am: Love is love and I say make good use of it for in the eyes of Divine their is nothing greater !