"An it harm none, do as ye will" is what the Wiccan Rede states. So knowing that, what do we do when someone we care about has treated us badly, but will undoubtedly be asking for our help in the near future?
Let me explain. One of my closest friends has been having issues with an on-again-off-again boyfriend. The guy treats her badly but instead of doing something about it, she just lets him do whatever he wants to her; physically and emotionally. So ever since September she has been breaking up with him, getting back together with him, breaking up with him again, hooking up with him, avoiding him- it's a long and ridiculous cycle. And every time she ends things with him, she comes crying back to her circle of friends asking for help with him; pretty much everything from intercepting him and telling him she doesn't want anything to do with him, to asking for advice, to crying sessions- all of that. And none of that was ever a really big deal for us to help out with. At first. Now it's a monthly occurance and all of us are getting fairly annoyed with it.
Now, I for one have never been in an overtly abusive relationship so I'm trying to wrap my mind around "Battered Woman Syndrome" and it's not easy for me. I'm sure in her mind she feels like she has a connection with him in some way but really, it's hard to see.
The biggest issue for me with all of this is as her friend, I'm fairly sick of her lying about all of this. She'll go on for a solid month about how she hates him, how she's afraid of him, how she never wants to see him again which is all dandy until she, as per usual, gets back together with him. And after about the 3rd time of doing this I've started to pick up on her signals of when she's either wanting to get back together with him or is already with him. And I've told her in the past that she isn't that good of a liar and she should just be upfront with it instead of lying. I know the rest of her friends aren't supportive of her choice in mate and I can't lie- I really don't approve of him myself. He's a liar, a theif, a racists, a sexist, and a convicted sex offender, just to name a few things about him I just do not care for but hey, he's not my guy.
Anyway she continues to keep lying about all of this nonsense and here we are again, round 9 (that's counting all of the hookups) and it's the same thing all over again. I've gotta say, I'm really tired of having to listen to the same old cycle every day from her, and I'm even more tired of seeing my help and everyone else's being accepted, and then just thrown away. To me, that's really disrespectful of her. So I've decided to just take myself out of the whole equation. I'm tired of rewarding her bad behavior with a reaction, I don't want to hear about what he's doing to her, I don't want to hear about how she hates him, or how she is afraid of him because she will be right back to where she was before in no less than 3 weeks. Seriously, it's that often.
So I guess my biggest question is, considering the Wiccan Rede, is it right for me to stop being a part of her insanity? She is clearly not in a good, let alone safe, situation. Of course this is her doing and has absolutely nothing to do with me, so in that aspect my hands are clean. But if she were to need help would it be wrong of me to not jump back into the maddness of her neverending cycle? And what's worse is how will I even know if she NEEDS help since she hasn't been very honest about what's going in the past? I have a feeling that if she really was in dire need my intiution would pick up on it. And what's more how can I look at her and not feel a little bit upset? I know ultimately her decision has nothing to do with me, but I also can't help but feel like I've been lied to repeatedly. I could be completely wrong, as I said I really don't understand the way her mind works, being in an abusive relationship and all. This is one I definitley have to think on. This blog is more of a rant than anything, so hopfully no one was offended by anything I said. But who knows, maybe someone could share some insight on this topic.
Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I'm going to make some Imbolc moon cookies to help me calm my frustration.
P.S. This picture is the best match for my feelings- I thought it would help set the mood on a visual level